Ready for a fresh perspective on vaccines every mom can use?
Life-alignment, energy-generating life coach Pam Ballo of www.ThriveLiving.com is here to help as guest blogger. Stop by her website and let her know you love this as much as I do!
Vaccines: The Next Generation
Want to get a room full of new parents engaged, alert and potentially throwing organic, GMO-free, brown rice-based crackers in a matter of seconds? Want to see how quickly you can wake up a bunch of sleepy new moms? Maybe just want to liven up a boring dinner party? All you have to do is confidently announce your heartfelt position on vaccines. The room is guaranteed to light up and if there are syringes available (and if there are, what the heck kind of dinner parties do you go to anyway?) protect your forearms – you just never know.
However, all of that is about to change.
The next wave of immunizations is guaranteed to create unity, generate massive public support and have parents, teachers, nurses and CDC officials alike, all lined up and singing the Ants in the Pants song in rounds.
Introducing the Next Generation of Vaccines, Round One:
DCaT – this series of shots will address the following issues:
- Being nice to dog (D)
- Being nice to cat (Ca)
- Not pulling tails (T)
Children should receive 5 doses of this vaccine. Proper administration is crucial and should occur at:
- 2 months
- 4 months
- when they can stand
- when they can walk
- when they can properly use a scotch tape dispenser and/or glue stick
In test trials, some parents questioned the necessity of the DCaT vaccine for families without domestic pets. Our research teams pointed out (in a rather sarcastic manner, it must be noted) that unless said parents intended to keep sweet Brunwyn and Dylphan away from every single house in America (or any countries they may visit) where pets lived, it was essential and in the best interests of our national health to have all children receive DCaT.
[Full disclosure: research for DCaT trials was partially funded my OTAAD (Our Tails are Attached Dammit!) and DACLT (Dogs and Cats Lobbying Together)].
HIP B – this series of shots will address the following issues:
- mommy’s clothes
- mommy’s hair
- mommy’s accessories
Children should receive 3 doses of this vaccine. Proper administration includes shots at:
- three months – the first dose will magically clear all spit-up, milk-like substances, dog fur and yogurt from the mother’s clothes each and every time she leaves the house. It also serves to transform ‘disheveled and dirty’ into ‘chic and casual’, creating an appearance of ‘thoughtful outfit selection’, rather than relying on appearance of ‘convenience of having slept in same clothes the night before’.
- five months – dose two initiates a tiny energetic exchange between mother and infant, whereby infant instinctively ‘pats and calms’ said mother’s hair into an acceptable pattern and size prior to mother having contact with other humans. If however, mother’s hair is beyond physical capacity of baby to help, baby will automatically be cued to cry loudly until sound of mother putting head under kitchen faucet is heard, thereby remedying situation.
- seven months – the final dose in this series will create a simple, back-to-basics, subatomic force field around infant and mother that causes all strangers to be awestruck by the sheer genius of the mother carrying a naked doll with a sticky face and an empty yogurt container full of tiny trucks around the grocery store with her. Tabloids will be automatically notified (via built-in non-local energetic web) and new trends will naturally ensue.
If you have comments on these vaccines, and we know you do, please let us know. Also stay tuned for important information on Round Two of the Next Generation including the Tp Vaccine that will save you hundreds of dollars in plumbing and toilet paper costs.